|
1. ELSEWHERE
Bone weary,
I left my partying friends
And went upstairs to rest.
As soon as I closed my eyes
Awareness snapped like a dry stick—
A neon-purple puff floated
Across my eyelids passed
The left temple and settled
In the far corner
Of the ceiling.
Someone opened the door
"Are you alright?"
I tried to open my eyes
But could not
Tried to lift a finger
To give a sign I was alive
But the finger would not move.
A wave of terror convulsed the body
And twisting in midair
Flesh combusted—
A charred cloud suspended weeping
Tar tears falling on me dreaming
Rolling off the covers
Amassing on the floor.
Awareness
Laser gaze fixed on
The black pool of tears
Pulled the mass together
In the memory of the body it was
But the body remembered
Would not breathe.
Grabbing it by the hair
Awareness dragged limp flesh
To a mirror
Ripped the eyelids wide open
And pointed the gaze at the reflection—
Gasping in the shock of recognition
I inhaled and was
Whole again.
Someone screamed into my ear
"The-means-defeat-the-purpose!"
Crazed with fury I jumped onto the bed
Bounced once bounced again
Hit the ceiling and
Went through it.
*
Eagle-spread against a brick wall
Listening to my heart beat
I felt a brick jam into my ribs.
"Your passport please"
Said someone on the other side.
"I have no passport"
I answered pushing in the brick.
"I must report you.
Name age occupation?"
"Homo sapiens
Child-bearing female
Exploring—"
Bricks set without mortar
Heaved like an ocean wave—
"Where from are you?"
"Planet Earth."
"Homeless," he muttered.
"And where are you going?"
"Wherever this takes me."
Sounds of scribbling
Pages turning—
A brick hit my temple
"Your presence here is illegal
You must leave. Now!"
I let go of the wall.
*
Inches from my feet
Mist parted and a bold head
Shoulders back and buttocks
Jerked up as if the man or woman
Were climbing steps inside a cloud.
All cloud-dwellers where walking
On levels fixed below the surface—
Heads bobbing here
Torsos swaying there
Some wading knee-deep—
All hairless
All wearing identical tunics
The pinkish grey of the cloud
All moving in step to a drumbeat
Thumping underfoot.
"Where am I?" I asked.
Somnambulant faces turned
To each other as if my voice had
Crossed great distances.
"What is this place?"
Furtive glances bounced off faces
As if my words were foreign.
"Is there an exit?"
Suddenly talking at once
In a language I never heard
They pointed at the sun the moon
And me as if I were part of some
Celestial triangulation
As if I held the answer
To lives trapped in this
Misbegotten interim place.
A vortex of confusion
Sucked me under.
*
At the far end of a dark
Underground passage I saw
A door and before I reached it
Echoes of my footsteps running ahead
Swung it open.
Out of a primeval darkness
My reflection was coming at me—
Avoiding eye contact my gaze slipped to
The darkness behind it and there
In mirror reflection
I saw a door at the other end
Of the passage.
Turning around I ran fast
But this door too sprang open
And there too stood my image
Tall in the doorway.
Again I turned and ran and
Was already reaching for the handle
When I nearly touched my double's hand
Extended in greeting
And jumped back as if from fire.
Palms cupping face
I slumped to the floor.
Which is the true me?
The one in the flesh or the one
In the depths of mirrors?
Who is weeping?
Sounds of water
Rippling down a metallic surface
Spread a vicious rumor—
Walls were doing the crying for me.
*
Leaning over the rim
of an opening above
Celestial faces were looking
Down at me—
"What a shame ..." muttered Moon
Wrapped in muslin.
"Is she invited to tea?" asked Star
Looking at Sun who was pouring
Beginnings into endings
Taking measure of how far was
One from the other.
Was I invited or not?
A spider dangling from
A crossbeam of light
Shuddered at the thought.
Could the spider be trusted to
Spin a thread strong enough
For me to climb up?
Better yet
Should I fit my shadow to my outline
And spin a cocoon close to skin
And start dreaming of
A different life?
Too late for that—
The square opening above
Was closing—
The walls were falling inward
The floor buckling under—
Placing my palms against the walls
I pushed them back
But to hold the slabs in place
I had to rest my arms—
Push and rest in turn.
Once breathing settled into rhythm
The ordeal no longer made sense
And to heighten suspense
I started courting danger—
Delaying action to the last minute
Splitting minutes into seconds
Seconds into hair-thin breaths
Until I grasped that
Playing games merely postponed
An eminent collapse.
Hugging myself
I leaned forward hit the floor
And it gave without sound.
And swaying like a feather I fell
Through layers of luminous alluvial silences
And after crossing eons of time landed
In a light too dense to see
Anything.
*
The place was jammed with
Pencil-thin white-on-white outlines
Stacked high and wide—a lifetime
Stashed away in cartons.
To go on
I had to move the boxes
But when I reached for one
There was nothing there—
The white-on-white outlines
Were empty of substance.
Emptiness however
Cast jagged shadows
And moving shadows instead
I made way.
Stacked on the side shadows
Interlocked like pieces of a puzzle
And in no time I was building
Intricate shadow constructions
Improving as I moved ahead.
When I looked back to see
What I had accomplished
One of the structures looked
Like the real think—
I rushed back to check but no
It too held nothing but air.
So once again I was merely
Amusing myself merely
Passing time as if the me
Right here right now
Did not count.
Throwing a shadow at
The posturing semblances
I saw my fancy handiwork
Self-destruct—
Structures splintering collapsing
Shattering shock waves chasing
All radial directions—
No boundaries no horizon nothing
To stop the dove-grey sediment from
Sloshing in the crevasses of
A starved mind.
The epicenter held and
In the hollowed subterranean caves
I heard water sing to itself.
Humming songs of ocean waves
I stepped onto the shimmering moon path
Laid across a dark underground river.
|
|
|